| Five years ago, I was single and lonely. I had just | | | | "Commitment is what transforms a promise into |
| ended my third long term relationship in ten years. I | | | | reality. It is the words that speak boldly of our |
| vowed that I wasn't going to search for a mate | | | | intentions, and the actions which speak louder than |
| from the standpoint of 'libido' anymore. I wasn't going | | | | words. It is making the time when there is none.... |
| to let things 'just happen.' | | | | Coming through time after time after time, year |
| I was going to be more scientific in my search. I was | | | | after year after year. Commitment is the stuff |
| going to approach my search for a potential mate like | | | | character is made of, the power to change the face |
| a job search. I was going to 'interview' women as | | | | of things. It is the daily triumph of integrity over |
| though they were job candidates. | | | | skepticism." |
| I met plenty of women over the next year. I | | | | One day I got an unsolicited email from ICQ asking if |
| 'interviewed' about twenty-five of them. No, my | | | | I wanted to post my picture and bio on their |
| purpose wasn't to be intimate with them. I | | | | website. I figured, 'aw, what have I got to lose.' I |
| 'interviewed' them. | | | | spent an hour writing up my bio and emailed it to |
| My overwhelming discovery was that the women I | | | | them along with a photo of me. |
| was involved with in my previous relationships were | | | | One definition of insanity is doing the same things |
| really more of a match for me than any of the | | | | over and over again and expecting different results. I |
| women I had interviewed in the last year since those | | | | figured that the way I found a mate in the past |
| relationships had ended. | | | | wasn't working, so I was willing to try something |
| In other words, I had met the best women for me | | | | different. |
| and my relationships still failed. | | | | About two days later, I got an email from a |
| I thought about this a lot. What it said to me was | | | | thirty-year-old woman from Ukraine. I was honest in |
| that it wasn't the type or the quality of the women I | | | | my bio. My age at the time was forty-five. I am |
| had met that was wrong, it was that the | | | | average looking for my age. Certainly no movie star. |
| commitment level wasn't there. | | | | This woman was young, beautiful, educated, and |
| As soon as life's fortunes turned, as soon as | | | | spoke English fairly well. She had a master's degree in |
| somebody ran up the credit card or burned the | | | | engineering and spoke five languages. We started |
| roast, they were out the door. | | | | emailing each other and soon we were corresponding |
| I joked with my friends that they should change the | | | | every day. |
| wedding vows. You know the ones: 'in sickness and | | | | Before I knew it, we had a torrid letter writing |
| in health; for richer or for poorer; for better or for | | | | romance going. Soon I was calling her on the |
| worse; until death do you part.' | | | | telephone. After several months, she asked me to |
| The revised vows should read: 'for better not worse; | | | | come and see her. I arranged a ten-day trip together |
| for richer not poorer; for health not sickness; till | | | | through Austria. |
| somebody better comes along.' | | | | After a few days, it was obvious to me that we |
| This isn't just about women. Men are guilty of this | | | | were not destined to be together for the rest of our |
| too. Look at the number of politicians, celebrities, or | | | | lives. But let me tell you, these Russian women get |
| executives in our country who jettison their spouse | | | | under your skin. They are beautiful, intelligent, |
| when the latest and greatest inspiration comes along. | | | | charming, feminine, passionate, manipulative, |
| The missing ingredient was COMMITMENT. | | | | conniving, and thoroughly engaging. |
| My friend Tom defines commitment this way: | | | | |