| Joan and Ben have been married for fifty-two years. | | | | from her and enjoys her as she shares her own |
| I was lucky enough to speak with them recently, and | | | | viewpoints. |
| asked them to explain the longevity of their | | | | How many people do you know who read the |
| relationship. "Laughter," Joan said. "We love to make | | | | newspaper, or get information online, and never (or |
| each other laugh, and we find so much to laugh | | | | rarely) share what they learn with their spouse? Do |
| about together." Nodding in agreement, Ben added, | | | | your individual activities remain solitary, or do you |
| "Even in the middle of our worst fights, it's hard to | | | | share your experiences with your partner? |
| stay mad at someone who can always make me | | | | Of course there will be activities that you and your |
| laugh." They went on to describe the importance of | | | | partner do separately. But how many of these are |
| mutual respect and friendship as cornerstones of | | | | things that-by necessity-have to be done separately |
| their healthy relationship. Ben said, "Respect is as | | | | and how many are missed opportunities to connect |
| important as love sometimes. And you have to like | | | | with your partner? By following Ben's lead, you can |
| each other as much as love each other. If you don't | | | | create bridges between your individual interests and |
| like to be around the person you're with, what's the | | | | your partner. |
| point?" | | | | Building Bridges Action Step: |
| Both stressed the beauty and opportunity in | | | | Think of all the things you're involved in that don't |
| everyday life. "You don't have to spend lots of | | | | include your partner (hobbies, work, daily routines). |
| money or try to find something exotic to do in order | | | | Even if you prefer to do these activities alone (or |
| to have a deep connection," Joan said. As an | | | | with someone other than your partner), can you |
| example, she described their morning routine. "I make | | | | think of ways to share parts of these experiences |
| our coffee as he reads the paper. He shares every | | | | with your husband or wife? For instance, when I |
| story he reads with me and asks my opinion about it. | | | | finish an article, I could immediately submit it and |
| Sometimes we'll have different opinions and we get | | | | move on to the next article. From a time standpoint, |
| into debates. Or he'll just nod his head and say | | | | that would be the easiest and most efficient thing to |
| 'interesting' and continue to read. I can tell he's | | | | do. What I do instead is ask my wife to read it and |
| thinking about what I said." | | | | share her impressions of what I've written. And the |
| This might seem like a small event, but it speaks | | | | result? We've had conversations that we wouldn't |
| volumes about something very important to their | | | | have had otherwise, discussions where we felt |
| relationship (and relationships in general). Ben took | | | | connected and where we talked about relationships in |
| what is typically a solitary activity (reading the | | | | general and our relationship in particular. |
| newspaper) and made it relational. When Ben includes | | | | Give this type of relational sharing a try and see |
| Joan in his daily activity, he makes her feel connected | | | | what you think. |
| to him and appreciated by him. Further, he learns | | | | |