| Joan and Ben have been married for
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| | him and appreciated by him. Further, he
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| fifty-two years. I was lucky enough to
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| | learns from her and enjoys her as she
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| speak with them recently, and asked them
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| | shares her own viewpoints.
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| to explain the longevity of their
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| | How many people do you know who read the
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| relationship. "Laughter," Joan said. "We
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| | newspaper, or get information online, and
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| love to make each other laugh, and we
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| | never (or rarely) share what they learn
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| find so much to laugh about together."
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| | with their spouse? Do your individual
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| Nodding in agreement, Ben added, "Even in
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| | activities remain solitary, or do you
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| the middle of our worst fights, it's hard
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| | share your experiences with your partner?
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| to stay mad at someone who can always
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| | Of course there will be activities that
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| make me laugh." They went on to describe
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| | you and your partner do separately. But
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| the importance of mutual respect and
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| | how many of these are things that-by
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| friendship as cornerstones of their
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| | necessity-have to be done separately and
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| healthy relationship. Ben said, "Respect
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| | how many are missed opportunities to
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| is as important as love sometimes. And
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| | connect with your partner? By following
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| you have to like each other as much as
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| | Ben's lead, you can create bridges
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| love each other. If you don't like to be
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| | between your individual interests and
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| around the person you're with, what's the
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| | your partner.
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| point?"
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| | Building Bridges Action Step:
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| Both stressed the beauty and opportunity
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| | Think of all the things you're involved
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| in everyday life. "You don't have to
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| | in that don't include your partner
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| spend lots of money or try to find
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| | (hobbies, work, daily routines). Even if
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| something exotic to do in order to have a
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| | you prefer to do these activities alone
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| deep connection," Joan said. As an
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| | (or with someone other than your
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| example, she described their morning
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| | partner), can you think of ways to share
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| routine. "I make our coffee as he reads
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| | parts of these experiences with your
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| the paper. He shares every story he reads
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| | husband or wife? For instance, when I
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| with me and asks my opinion about it.
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| | finish an article, I could immediately
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| Sometimes we'll have different opinions
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| | submit it and move on to the next
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| and we get into debates. Or he'll just
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| | article. From a time standpoint, that
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| nod his head and say 'interesting' and
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| | would be the easiest and most efficient
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| continue to read. I can tell he's
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| | thing to do. What I do instead is ask my
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| thinking about what I said."
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| | wife to read it and share her impressions
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| This might seem like a small event, but
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| | of what I've written. And the result?
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| it speaks volumes about something very
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| | We've had conversations that we wouldn't
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| important to their relationship (and
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| | have had otherwise, discussions where we
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| relationships in general). Ben took what
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| | felt connected and where we talked about
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| is typically a solitary activity (reading
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| | relationships in general and our
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| the newspaper) and made it relational.
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| | relationship in particular.
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| When Ben includes Joan in his daily
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| | Give this type of relational sharing a
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| activity, he makes her feel connected to
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| | try and see what you think.
|
