Mysteries, Puzzles, Enigmas

Remember the old bromide about the husband whovirtually go out of their minds when the payoff goes
says he makes all the big decisions in his family?to $40 million or more?
He speaks for the family on such issues as war andI suppose it's natural for people to want to better
peace, health care, stability in the Middle East ortheir lot in life, and a prize in the neighborhood of $1
capital punishment; but he allows his wife to makemillion (sounds like a Triple A zone to me) would
such small decisions as whether the family should buycertainly do that! But those who shun the $1 million
a new car or a used one, go on vacation to Hawaii orpayoffs while going bananas over the multi-million
stay home, remain in town or move to Arizona.payoffs are obviously looking for something more --
That story came to mind this week as my thoughtssomething I fear they'll never find.
turned to the many little things we run into daily thatA wealthy businessman interviewed by Barbara
make us want to sit right down and fire off a letterWalters recently acknowledged that his first $1 million
to the editor of our local paper.eliminated his concerns about money, but he asserted
Here's a sampling of such little things that occasionallyunequivocally that money doesn't make one happy.
run through my mind:The only people who think money buys happiness, he
* It's nice that Connecticut has made available thosesaid, are the people who don't have money.
good-looking Save the Sound license plates, but it"If this country can send a man to the moon," we
gets my dander up when I see those oldstill hear every now and then, "then it can afford the
blue-and-white plates that have faded so much thatmeasly $2 billion for (my favorite project)!"
one can barely read the number from three feetI wonder if anyone really believes that cliche. The
away. It's not hard to imagine someone -- witnessingtruth is that, even if we had no space program, the
a bank robber making his escape by car in broadbillions of dollars spent on it (or, alternatively, foreign
daylight -- shouting to passersby: Get that licenseaid) still would not be available for that favorite
plate number! Fat chance!project.
* Why do football teams often play dull, uninspiredThe truth of the matter is that we don't want to
and generally ineffective offense for three andspend money for many of these unfunded programs.
two-thirds quarters, and only then go into what theyIf we really wanted to help the homeless, provide
like to call their "two-minute drill" and begin to playbetter housing and better jobs for the poor, or
effective, inspired and interesting football -- oftenprovide health care to needy Americans, we would
extracting victory from the jaws of defeat? There'sdo just that!
no defensible reason for a team not to play its bestIf you uncover the solutions to these mysteries in
for all four quarters.your crystal ball, I'd be delighted to be enlightened!
* Why is it that so many people regularly by LottoI wrote this column as a "My View" for The Hour
tickets in the hope of winning $1 million or so, butnewspaper of Norwalk, Conn., on Dec. 3, 1994.